Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Someone shattered a urinal.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
