happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
