wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
