No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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