Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
