glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
did i just pee glitter
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
