3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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