My liver just broke up with me...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
