I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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