So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
