Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
