can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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