Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize