My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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