I should be sponsored by Trojan
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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