Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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