Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
