I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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