The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
