I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
