do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
