My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
