Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
