so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
