I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize