Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
