You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
