dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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