If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
