The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
