Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
