I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
