Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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