just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm just crazy horny about you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
