You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
