Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
