she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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