I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
