You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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