4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
