I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
