she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
