woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
