i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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