K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I forget how to act sober
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
