So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
