How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
