Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
