I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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