U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
