the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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