Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No subtext here. People are naked.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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