Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
