Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
