I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
