Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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