why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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