420 ftw
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
