She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
