just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Still dying that you shit outside
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
