Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
