You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
