so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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