I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
