Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize