There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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