I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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