Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
