This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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