And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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