Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As shirtless as possible
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
