so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize