i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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