there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
