I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
