if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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