i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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