Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she looked like the before picture.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
