I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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