I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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