Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
do nipples grow back?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
