did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
