I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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