thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
