I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
