she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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