please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
