I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize