My first STD was from a foam party
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
