The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
