Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
