Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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