Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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