I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize