this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
