I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
