If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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