I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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