I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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