before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
