the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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