Umm I'm too high to move.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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