The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize