what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
sex in a hospital.. check
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
