I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
