Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
