Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize