dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
