don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
