did you get engaged???
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
