Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and she was petting her beer can
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
