I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
